Life in NYC, the true story.

So I have really put off this post for a while. I get so many questions so I knew I needed to...well wanted to give everyone answers.

I am so lucky to have so many who support and encourage me in every way. It’s overwhelming and I am already crying and I’ve haven’t even typed an actual intro to this post.

I am super thankful for all of you. You have no idea.

It has officially been 4 months since I started my full-time job but really I have been doing what I am doing now for the past 8 months. The only difference now is that I get paid!! Thank God…

Thinking about it now it is so crazy that in just a few months it will be a YEAR!!!

I don’t know about you but I have been reflecting SO much on my life now and my life in the past few years. Maybe it’s the new year, I don’t know. 2018 felt like 3 years for me just because I hit so many milestones that I really thought were going to be one at a time, one per year.

I graduated College, Interned in NYC, Got a job in NYC, Moved out of Texas, and Turned 23.

All of these were things I looked forward to since I was 8 years old. Now I’m here and it’s not what I expected.

I know, I know,  It is NEVER what you expect. I’m just the type of person that puts on this mindset of how it is supposed to be and when it doesn’t happen that way it tears me apart.

It’s one of my biggest flaws, I am aware I do it and still do it with literally everything. Big or small! I do it when it comes to relationships, plans, dreams, and even in the simplest things like a meal I am making or an outfit I planned. Go figure….maybe I will grow out of it one day..

So you may have an idea of how that worked out once my dream of being in NYC came true.

So through the summer, I spoke about not being sure if this was where I needed to be or if I was ready and ended up staying here anyway. I am still feeling pretty similar towards my time here but I have a different outlook on it and I am actually thankful I decided to stay.

While being here has not always been fun and amazing as maybe I make to look like via social media, it hasn’t been miserable.

However, I have been bottling this up for a while now. It really hit me when I visited home for the holidays, I saw so many people and almost everyone said this exact phrase to me,

“I follow your posts on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook it looks like you’re having SO much fun”!!!  And honestly, in no intentions of being rude, I laugh at this because if only I could really show you how I have been the past few months.

I am not saying this to make anyone feel sorry for me nor to discourage someone on moving here. I am simply a very open person and I really love sharing everything I experience and so I just want to everyone know how I’m doing!

It all really hit me as it got closer to my 23rd birthday. I still am not completely sure why but turning 23 just gave me so much anxiety. I just did not look forward to it. This is the person that celebrated her 22nd birthday like 5 times and every other birthday before too. No, really I think I had like 3 birthday “parties” for my 22nd and I think 20th birthday I also celebrated at least twice….lol don’t judge me!

I just got sentimental because it was my first birthday with a lot of “firsts”, first time away from home on my birthday, first time not being with my twin brother, first time not celebrating with my friends etc. Then it was a month of being back on the grind and I was just overwhelmed and exhausted. I literally cried like every day after work and questioned if I really wanted to be here.

I pushed through then come November some friends from back home visited and I got to spend some time with them and their friends and family. I noticed that when everyone asked how I was liking it here and about my job, I couldn’t help but hold tears back cause I had this urge to just cry. For the following weeks until I could go home for Thanksgiving I just questioned my happiness here and just wondered if I should come back after the holidays. I have a friend here now and we went to Texas State together but she has been here longer than I.

Talking to her and others I have met that also moved here I have realized I am not alone and it gets better. I am in the biggest city and yet have never felt more alone. However, everyone has told me that the first year here is hard so weirdly enough it is comforting to know I am not alone on this feeling. Making friends as an adult is harder and working a 9-5 is exhausting, I don’t know how any of you can go out after work. Maybe I’m just 23 going on 83?

Anyway back to my rant, I was listening to this podcast. It’s called Thick & Thin, about the everyday life of this girl my age who also moved here when I did and as I listened to her episode, “The truth about my life in New York” it was weird because honestly, every single word ( I’m not exaggerating) is what I would say. But one thing really stuck out and this is exactly how I feel. Let me paraphrase what she said... “I am not depressed, I am not upset continuously, I don’t feel like I would belong better somewhere else. It’s just that once you get something that you have been waiting for, for so long, and wanting for so long. Once you get it and then becomes normal and it loses its luster”. And just as she says, not to say that I no longer get excited about my job or New York, It is just not the same feeling as before and I think that is what has brought a grey cloud over my life right now.

Life in our 20s is supposed to be unpredictable and filled with emotions right? So I came to realize that we all have to go through this I am lost phase of our life no matter where you are  However, I decided to have a different mindset than to just be sad about being away from home and all familiarities.

My goal for this year is to truly start enjoying the experience of being here. Learning all I can at my job because I honestly really enjoy my job and it’s really what is keeping me here.

I am a Product Coordinator for a Jewelry Vendor. We’re a small company so I get exposure to a lot because we don’t have so many hands on deck to do every job. My job essentially is to log in the new product, assist in merchandising the showroom for market or any meeting, photographing and editing pictures of the product when needed, and communicating with our factories overseas if needed. There is a lot more but I don’t know how to put it into words. Let's just say that in such a short time I believe to have really learned so much that will truly help me in my future goals.

I am always in a hustle here but I love sharing all I do so keep up with my Instagram stories or Snapchat and every so often I will post a blog post too!

Feel free to message me if you have any suggestions on blog posts or have any other questions. I have been on an Amazon binge and I think I want to start reviewing items just for the heck of it and my own entertainment so I may share that with all of you too!

For now, Happy New Year!

XOXO, Stef