Goodbye New York, Hello again Texas.

"Why did you leave NYC"?!?! "You looked SO happy"!! "Who Wouldn't want to be there"?!

New York was a dream come true. I miss it, I really wish I loved the reality as much as I did the dream. For those who may not know, New York has been the plan for as long as I can remember.  So when it became a reality I was over the moon.  I was so ready to make my move there after high school graduation, but it did not happen. So come college graduation, I was determined to move to the big apple! I applied to internships literally everyday of my last semester. Almost had given up on the idea after so many rejections.

Eventually, I finally got accepted to intern for Jewelry Showroom. I was ecstatic! After my internship in Summer of 2018, I was super overwhelmed with the city and being away from family. I did not feel ready to take on NY, I thought I needed more time to prepare myself, and I wanted to be closer to home for a little longer.  So when I was offered a full time position, I cried and it was not out of happiness but because that meant I had to stay.

I'll never forget crying and hyperventilating while on the phone in the middle of a busy midtown sidewalk, while tourists stared in confusion. (Ohhh, the many public places I cried all over that city....and the best part,IT'S SO NORMAL TO DO SO THERE. lol!)

Although, I did not feel ready, I also felt I could not pass up the opportunity. Everyone I had met who moved there continuously told me that the first year and half was the most difficult and then everything was better after that.

In the beginning of 2019, I was feeling a lot more confident and content with being there. I was loving my job, and finally began to build more of a day to day life and friendships.

Work was great, my social life was fun but it was really hard to enjoy all the great things happening when I began to wonder again whether I truly wanted to be where I was or if I was convincing myself I needed to.

I felt the need to push through and stay for a while or forever. I felt I'd be a failure if I didn't last a certain time frame.  For years, many associated me with this place, many believed in me living and succeeding this New York lifestyle. I also hoped for this and was extremely heartbroken by the reality and my inability to change it no matter what I tried.

As with anything, the reality is never as great as the expectation. It can be great but it's never perfect. I had a hard time accepting this. I always compare NY to Christmas morning, it's so exciting once a year, but Christmas everyday would loose it's shine. For me NY was no longer the happy place I dreamed of and I was ready to make a change.

I began exploring other job opportunities there, or the possibility of moving back home. Then 2019 hit rock bottom, I won't go into much details because I'm still not too comfortable sharing and it still gives me a huge lump in my throat when I try to speak about it.

Almost half way into last year my family went through a few hardships. Not being home to go through this with them broke me. I began to have terrible anxiety about not being with my family while I had the chance. I lost my dad when I was five years old, and have always feared loosing any more loved ones since. I was super torn between coming home or not. I didn't want to loose my job but I felt I needed to come home.

Things at home thankfully began to take a turn for the better but it gave me a new perspective; New York will always be there but family isn't promised forever. I knew with the new year coming, new changes needed to be made.

I finally started planning for my move back to Texas. I had spoken with a friend about an opportunity and the possibility of me moving back in Spring or Summer of 2020. But of course nothing is ever on our timeline or game plan.

Beginning of the New Year, I planned on being in New York a few more months and working up the courage to leave a job I loved. Unfortunately, soon after my return after the holidays. Myself and coworkers got notice that the industry was not doing well nor was the company. So some cuts needed to be made and a couple of us were being laid off.

I was a mix of emotions, relieved but upset. I was relieved because I did not know how I was going to "quit" my job later in the year and now it was done for me. However, I was upset because I had a game plan of how things were suppose to happen. I did not have a secure job back in Texas, an apartment, or car. I wanted to have all these things secure before moving back.

God is good and I'm so thankful all this was already planned out for me. Everything fell into place perfectly and I'm so grateful. I made my move back, signed a lease to my very own apartment (no roommates!! #adulting), and was able to start my current job within days of being back.

I am now working as the Brand Specialist for Bunker Branding Co. and I am SUPER content with it and look forward to what this role has in store for me.

I loved my job as a product coordinator. Loved working for a small non-corporate company, that allowed me to wear many hats and learn more than just my role. It allowed me to use my creativity daily and I did not want to settle for anything unlike it. I'm so happy and thankful that I am in a similar role again, and the best part is its at home near my family and friends.

This year did not begin as I planned and hoped. I'm sure many can relate but I am so happy to be happy again.

New York will always be a special to me. I'll visit regularly but it's just not home for me and I'm finally able to say it and not feel disappointed for not "making it" like I hoped I would. I'm happy I experienced it and will not have to wonder "what if"...

And that is why I Left New York...